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Hello!? I’m here! No over here!

I am in full on packing mode. I HATE moving. Not to mention, it is finally sinking in that I am moving to a place where I know only a few people in a state that I am constantly Google mapping! Don’t panic!

On one hand, I am SO ready for this:

  1. No more long-distance
  2. No more living in three cities – (I’m in Boston, my “stuff” is in a DC storage, and my “home” address for the fed is in VA…ugh)
  3. No more busy nights of studying after a long day of interning

On the other hand, I’m bracing myself for the feelings that are accompanying my move:

  1. Sadness – in leaving my Boston friends and awesome roommates
  2. Panic – in trying to keep all the “to-dos” and plans in order after packing up my life
  3. Fear – in moving to an unfamiliar place
  4. Anxiety – in not currently having a job – and therefore no income except for Joe’s
  5. Shame – yes, I said it. For not being able to contribute financially to the start of our life together.
  6. Excitement – in being with the one I love FOREVER
  7. Joy – in the idea of a new chapter beginning
  8. Gratitude – in knowing how much Joe loves me and what a ROCK he has been through this whole process
  9. Happiness – to have achieved my goal of receiving my MSW!
  10. Relief – in having the cathartic experience of donating or tossing all the S&%^ I’ve accumulated over the past two years!

*and yes, I have scaled all these emotions. So far Excitement, Anxiety, and Relief scored 8 out of 10 (10 being feeling the most of whatever emotion). Realistically, Shame is a close 7 and I’m working on this one with a lot of Gratitude – an equal 7. But I have no doubt that Joy, Happiness, and Gratitude will be a full 10 by the weekend!

It’s been two days of packing. Have I mentioned, I HATE moving. It makes me have a new-found empathy for hoarders. I loved my room. Loved it because it was full of things that reminded me of home, family, friends, and memories. Let me show you:

BEFORE

AFTER

As you can see I’m living in organized chaos. I don’t like organized chaos. I’m a bit OCD – ok I’m really OCD (ask my roommate who watched me methodically eat candy buttons the other night after lining them up and eating them all at once…I know.) However, the pile of things to donate is equally as chaotic and now overflowing into our living room. It has been such a great feeling to go through boxes and bins only to say, “Nope. I don’t need this!” It really is magnifying just how big of a change my life is going through right now. And I kinda like it! FREEDOM! Also surprising – I mean my willingness to donate my stationery collection is a HUGE jump for me:

is my ability to let go. Part of the change in my life is the reality that I’m building a new one with Joe. That means that some of these things just don’t matter as much any more. How cathartic to release the emotional attachment to material things knowing that I will gain new emotional memories. It’s a transformative process.

I hope that they will be put to good use in their new homes, but just not in ours.

So on ward ho! Let the packing continue! And the emotional experience of getting rid of all the S&%^ for all the GOOD about to come!

Covered in boxes, tape, and newspaper ink,

Erin

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